Mm it quite brutal.. its interesting the way the poem is structured, quite different from the usual style. Very powerful words too

--
...

totally agree with the above, very powerful. Oh and it's a good peice of work too.

Thank you. I try to make my poems unique in structure, especially when I'm trying to emphasize a particular thought or line.

Thank you again!

--
"But now I've grown beyond the walls to where I've never been
And it's still winter in my wonderland..."
*Jars of Clay

Thanks very much, Sean!

--
"But now I've grown beyond the walls to where I've never been
And it's still winter in my wonderland..."
*Jars of Clay

Oh my. O:

Very powerful. I think anything that has real-life backing tends to be quite strong, as you can draw on actual experience to write it. I really like the unique format and use of italics.

--
"It's a frame of mind, you see!"
_{- Frederic Chopin (Eternal Sonata)}

Thank you very much!! I strive to make my poems unique and stress meaning in the way they're formatted - so I'm glad that you like it!

--
"But now I've grown beyond the walls to where I've never been
And it's still winter in my wonderland..."
*Jars of Clay

powerful words and images here. I really like the strong ending of this. Though I must say that if it is inspired off of real life events, I'm sorry that you went through something so hurtful.

The spacing was particularly effective in this. The last full stanza was also very well done. Very poetic... though I like it, I must say that the majority of the poem feels more like a speech than a poem. a very powerful speech.

--
When Einstein revealed to the world his wondrous theories of Special and General Relativity, I was the one shouting, “That’s what I was going to say!”

Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I like cherries!!!

Thank you very much - I'm really trying to experiment with creating meaning and mood through spacing and format, so I'm glad to see that it's working.

What would your suggestion be to make it more poem-like?

--
"But now I've grown beyond the walls to where I've never been
And it's still winter in my wonderland..."
*Jars of Clay

It is pretty much the same kinds of things I've said before about more imagery and less directly stating... like describing something that implies the feeling or describing the feeling through metaphor... that sort of thing. I can read it again and give it more specific suggestions if you like, but it really feels like I would be saying the same thing I've said before. Not to be too critical though because I know from experience that writing that way is hard... and deviantart isn't really the best place to show of high quality poetry because a large percentage of the population wouldn't get it.

--
When Einstein revealed to the world his wondrous theories of Special and General Relativity, I was the one shouting, “That’s what I was going to say!”

Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I like cherries!!!